Rising Read online

  Rising

  Wendy Smith

  Edited by

  Lauren Clarke

  Cover Design by

  Moss Cover Design

  Contents

  Chapter 1

  Chapter 2

  Chapter 3

  Chapter 4

  Chapter 5

  Chapter 6

  Chapter 7

  Chapter 8

  Chapter 9

  Chapter 10

  Chapter 11

  Chapter 12

  Chapter 13

  Chapter 14

  Chapter 15

  Chapter 16

  Chapter 17

  Epilogue

  Also by Wendy Smith

  About the Author

  1

  Cole

  My family.

  They’re like a magnet to me. Pulling me in even though I know I need to stay away and give Brooke space.

  But I can’t.

  I sigh as I look up at Brooke’s apartment. It’s been six weeks since I helped her back to her apartment after her stint in hospital. Six weeks since she slammed the door in my face and on our relationship. I miss her and Kaia more than I can bear. Every day I feel myself drawn to this place, the memory of Brooke’s warm body next to mine still fresh.

  I want her.

  I love her.

  I need her.

  Closing my eyes for a moment, I turn to walk away.

  “Daddy.”

  I let out a loud breath and look back. Kaia runs straight at me, her arms open, and leaps as I kneel to receive her embrace.

  “Hey, baby.” I suck in a breath. She smells of strawberry shampoo. Her arms tighten around my neck.

  “I miss you. Where have you been?”

  I swallow hard. “I’ve been at my house.”

  “You don’t sleep in Mommy’s bed anymore?”

  “Hi, Cole,” Brooke says softly.

  When I meet her gaze, I mourn that the love so recently in her eyes has gone. Her smile is small and strained. “Brooke.”

  Kaia cups my face and steers it back to her. “When are you coming to our place?”

  I hate this. I’m about to break my little girl’s heart. “I … I don’t think I am. But you can come visit me sometime.”

  Her lower lip wobbles.

  “Hey. If you ask Mommy nicely, maybe you can come and stay at my house for a night. We can do some decorating in your room.”

  Her head turns so fast, I’m amazed it doesn’t fly off. “Can I, Mommy? You can sleep in Daddy’s bed.”

  My heart’s ripped from my chest at her words.

  “I’ll think about it.” Brooke’s tone’s so cold, and I know it’ll never happen. If I push, all that’ll do is confirm her opinion of me.

  You can’t take her from me. Brooke’s face, etched with panic, is still so fresh in my mind. Will she ever trust me again?

  “Please, Mommy?”

  “I said I’ll think about it,” she snaps, and I get a filthy look.

  I press my lips to Kaia’s cheek. “I have to get going. Be good for Mommy.”

  Kaia grabs my hand.

  “Kaia, sweetheart.” I force a smile. “I’ll see you soon. I promise.” Slowly, I pull my hand from hers and meet Brooke’s cold gaze. “I just wanted to make sure you two were okay.”

  Brooke nods. “I appreciate it.” She takes Kaia’s hand. “Say goodbye to Cole.”

  “Goodbye, Daddy.” Kaia hooks herself around Brooke’s left leg. Her mouth is turned down into a pout.

  With one last look, I turn away.

  I hate this. I hate all of it.

  I’m half the block away when I hear Kaia’s voice.

  “Daddy.”

  I keep walking. I can’t stop. If I do, I risk losing both of them forever.

  I’m shattered. I don’t know if I can do this. I can’t be what Kaia needs and not turn into the person Brooke fears.

  When I reach the end of the street, I stop and catch my breath.

  Whatever it takes, I’ll win Brooke over again.

  I have to.

  For all our sakes.

  2

  Brooke

  Kaia cried for what felt like hours after we saw Cole.

  She cried so hard, she was out like a light by the time I went to work.

  Guilt wracks me when I have to leave her with Rosalyn. I have a heavy heart all the way to the bar.

  There’s more than enough money in my account for me to give up this job, and Cole is paying me child support every week, but it’s the fear of the unknown that stops me from leaving. I’d love to have my evenings back with my little girl, but I’m scared of having the rug pulled out from under my feet.

  Something happened between Cole and me. I don’t know what it is, and it hurts that I can’t remember. The agony on his face tells a story all of its own. But I can’t bring myself to act on it.

  I can’t force myself to feel something for a man who walked away from me. Yet I’m keeping my family apart.

  The night at work drags. My mind’s on Kaia the whole time and how hard this is on her. I’ve always put her first, but maybe not this time. It’s clear she loves Cole, and she knows him as her father. It’s what leaves me in no doubt that I must have let him get close.

  It’s nearly midnight. I make myself a coffee to try and stay awake a little longer. While I’m feeling fine physically, it feels like there’s a fog surrounding me.

  There are no customers left, and I’ve got my things ready to go when it’s time.

  Craig tosses the dishtowel over his shoulder and puts the last glass back behind the bar. “Let me pack up, and I’ll walk you home.”

  I’m not keen on walking by myself. Not after what happened. His suggestion fills me with a sense of relief.

  The front door opens.

  “Brooke.”

  I catch my breath. Damn Cole for looking so good. He’s in a pair of dark jeans with a white button-up shirt. No tie. It feels familiar. “Cole? What are you doing here?”

  “I wondered if you’d let me walk you home.”

  I flick a glance at Craig, and he shrugs. “Whatever you want.”

  Nodding, I pull on my jacket. I shouldn’t. He left me when I needed him—he left both of us.

  But something must have happened to make me let him in. For Kaia to let him in. And I owe it to her, if not to myself, to make sure she has a father.

  “Okay. Let’s go. See you tomorrow, Craig.”

  “See you tomorrow.”

  Cole holds the door while I walk out and onto the pavement.

  “I wanted to say sorry about earlier. I hope Kaia was okay.”

  “She cried herself to sleep.”

  He sighs. “I just … well, I feel this need to check on you two. Things are so fucked up right now.”

  “I do appreciate it. We’ve all been through something. I just wish I could remember what.”

  “It’s not your fault. What I want is to find the person who was chasing you and do the same to them. The thought of anyone hurting you …”

  Why the hell does he tug at my heartstrings so much? Cole Masters hurt me more than anyone else has ever hurt me, but something made me give him another chance. “I didn’t think you’d be outside today. I tried to pick a time when I knew Kaia wouldn’t see me.”

  “We were late getting home.”

  “I hope you weren’t late for work.”

  I shake my head. “It’s fine. They’re being really good since the accident.”

  “So they should be. They’re lucky to still have you.”

  We walk together, but the distance between us is vast. Yet, having him by my side makes me feel safe.

  I’m conflicted by the sorrow I feel when we reach my apartment.

  “Thank you for walking me
home.” I give him a smile.

  “Thank you for letting me. I wish …” He shakes his head. “Never mind. Have a good night.”

  “What is it?”

  He shrugs. “I just wish things were back to the way they were before your accident. I miss you.”

  It hurts that I can’t say the same.

  “Good night, Brooke.”

  He leans over and pecks me on the cheek. Having him so close is surprisingly comforting, and for a moment, I don’t want him to go.

  “Get inside,” he says.

  I nod.

  “I’ll be there tomorrow night after your shift.”

  “Cole, you don’t need—”

  His dark eyes bore through me. “I just want to make sure you get home okay.”

  I nod again, licking my suddenly dry lips. He makes me so nervous, and I’m not sure why. Despite our failed marriage, Cole was my best friend growing up. I never felt uncomfortable around him.

  Until now. That I can remember.

  “I don’t want a repeat of what happened. I’ll do anything to keep you safe.”

  My heart pounds. His voice, his tone, the way he’s so close—it’s so much to deal with. Too much.

  I place my hand on his chest. “I’m so sorry, Cole. I wish I could flip a switch and make my memory come back. I’m so confused, and I just want to know what happened, but I can’t force it.”

  “I know.” He presses his forehead to mine.

  It would be so easy to melt into his arms, to feel the security I know he brings. But being with him still scares me.

  “Go inside. I’ll see you tomorrow night.” He lets out a sigh. “Give Kaia a hug and kiss for me.”

  “I will,” I whisper.

  “Good night, Brooke.”

  I turn, slide my key into the lock, and twist the door handle. Why does it feel so wrong to leave him on the other side of the door from me?

  Because you love him even though he broke your heart.

  Because he’s Kaia’s father.

  Because somehow you know he’s telling the truth.

  For a moment, I stand, pressing my hand against the door.

  “Brooke?”

  I turn at the sound of Rosalyn’s voice. Her eyebrows knit as she gives me a concerned look. “Hi, Rosalyn.”

  “Are you okay?”

  I shrug. “Cole walked me home.”

  The concern melts from her face, and she smiles. “How is he?”

  “About as confused as I am.”

  She walks toward me, and wraps her arms around my shoulders. “You two will work it all out. It’s just going to take some time.”

  “I hope you’re right.” I sigh. “I feel like I’m letting Kaia and Cole down.”

  She shakes her head. “They both love you. And Cole knows you’re still recovering. Like I said, it will all take time. Be patient.”

  I take a step back. “Thank you. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

  Smiling, Rosalyn takes my hands in hers. “You’re like a daughter to me, Brooke. And your little one might as well be my granddaughter.”

  I laugh. “That’s so true.”

  “I should get going. Good night.”

  Seconds later, the door clicks shut and I’m alone. Sitting on the couch, I bury my face in my hands. What a mess. It doesn’t matter what I do, I end up hurting someone. And I’m hurting too.

  I walk to the bedroom, open a drawer to find a nightgown, and pull out a large, gray T-shirt I don’t recognize. When Cole dropped me home from hospital he said some of his things were here, and I guess this must be one of them. I drop it back in the drawer, pausing before picking it up again.

  It smells fresh, washed with the same powder as my own clothes, and I’m a little disappointed it doesn’t smell of him.

  But it wouldn’t hurt for me to wear it.

  I strip off, and pull the shirt over my head. Taking a deep breath, I look at myself in the mirror. Please remember.

  Shaking my head, I climb into bed and pull the blankets over me.

  I stare at the ceiling until my eyes grow heavy. Memories from long ago resurface, but not the ones I want.

  “I’m pregnant.” I can barely look him in the eye, but I see enough of his pained expression to know this is the last thing he wants.

  “What? How?” He waves his hands around. “That’s not what I meant. We used a condom.”

  “Well, clearly it didn’t work.” I reach for his hand, but he tugs it away.

  “Is it mine?”

  My mouth falls open. “You know it is.”

  He sighs. “I do. Sorry.” He takes my hand. “It’s a shock.”

  “For me too.”

  He licks his lips. “So, what do we do? How do we take care of this?”

  I stare at him. Tears prick my eyes despite my vow not to cry. “Take care of it? Are you telling me you want me to get rid of our baby?”

  The look of horror on his face tells me that’s not what he was thinking. I shouldn’t jump to conclusions, but it’s hard not to when it feels like the world’s already against us.

  “No. God, Brooke. This fucks everything up, but I would never suggest that. All the plans we made are out the window, so forgive me if I’m not saying the right thing right now.” He takes me in his arms, but it feels forced. Like he’s making himself do it. “Dad is going to kill me.”

  I sniff. “My mom is going to kill me.”

  “You know my dad is going to think this whole thing was some kind of plot by your mother to get cash from him.”

  I nod.

  “He’ll never accept that it was just an accident,” I whisper.

  Cole shakes his head and grips my chin, raising my gaze to his. “Our baby’s not an accident. It must just have been meant to be.”

  “Mommy?”

  Kaia. She walks into my room, a sweet smile on her face.

  “Hey, baby. I thought you were asleep.” I roll over as she climbs into bed beside me.

  She snuggles in my arms. “I miss Daddy.”

  Swallowing down the tears that are forming, I hold her tight. “I know you do. I’m sorry.”

  “Did I do something wrong?”

  My heart hurts. “No, baby.”

  “Why doesn’t he come and visit? He can sleep in my bed.”

  I take a deep breath in her hair. “Mommy’s still not completely better from her accident.”

  “Oh. Can Daddy come when you’re better?”

  I’m glad for the dark when tears roll down my cheeks. Kaia doesn’t need to see me upset. “I’m sure he can. Maybe he can visit soon.”

  “I hope so. I miss him.”

  Within minutes she’s fast sleep, and I plant a kiss on the top of her head before rolling onto my back.

  I close my eyes.

  Sleep will be slow to come. I already know that.

  In the dark, I can only come to one conclusion.

  I miss Cole too.

  3

  Brooke

  I rub my neck and sigh.

  The alarm blares in my ear and I’m so tired, but I have to get up.

  I have to focus on my routine.

  After two weeks off work, I went back to my day job. The following week, I started back at the night job. I’m exhausted.

  I blink rapidly at the bright bathroom light when I enter the room. It’s way too early in the morning for me to deal with getting up, but I have to. This is my life.

  There are bags under my eyes that have been growing these past couple of weeks. I’m getting as much sleep as I can, but it never seems to be enough.

  I open the drawer and pick up my hairbrush. My eyes fall upon the packet of tampons in the drawer. When was the last time I needed one?

  The accident was six weeks ago.

  My heart thuds. I’ve been so pre-occupied with everything else, I haven’t noticed my missed period. That’s only ever happened one time before. I’m as regular as clockwork.

  No. It’s just some weird after-effec
t of the surgery or something.

  No. I can’t be.

  It doesn’t matter how I try to reassure myself, it doesn’t work. It would explain the extent of my exhaustion.

  Shit.

  Kaia sits up when I walk back into the bedroom.

  “Can we see Daddy today?”

  I shrug. “I’m not sure, baby. How about I talk to him and we sort something out?” Smiling, I reach for her hand. “Let’s go and get some breakfast.”

  She’s distracted by her cornflakes while I slowly sip my coffee. The thought of getting dressed and going to work is overwhelming, but sitting at home doesn’t pay the bills.

  How would I deal with another baby?

  Kaia and I have just reached the point where we manage our routine. The early days after Cole left were the worst. While I had my mother, I still worked during the day despite all the sleepless nights.

  Thankfully, when Kaia turned one she decided she liked her sleep. That was when I felt almost on top of things. We had no money, but we had each other.

  Can I rely on Cole?

  That’s the million-dollar question.

  I stop at the pharmacy on the way to work and buy a pregnancy test. To be sure, I buy a two pack.

  My mind can’t process this. I know I was back in a relationship with Cole before I lost my memory, but my head is telling me that I haven’t had sex since way before then. If I’m pregnant, it feels like it’s been an immaculate conception.

  Feeling that way creates a disconnect I’m not sure I can bridge any time soon. Before the accident is a blur, but buried in there somewhere is the possible creation of another child.

  I wish more than anything that I could remember. What we felt on the night of Kaia’s conception was always what held me together when times were tough. That Kaia was born out of love.

  Even if that love only lasted a short time.